Admittedly, I’m bored.
And I don’t get this way often.
Usually, there’s babies running all around and I’m busy running a household or reading or writing, exercising or sleeping.
Today, however, it’s just me and my son (the other two are at school). The house is clean. I really don’t want to work on my novel since I like it absolutely quiet. Same with reading. My son is sitting next to me, reading a dinosaur book, asking me with every page turn, “Mommy. What him name?” So I read the name and then keep typing.
This got me to thinking, “What would I do when all my kids are off at school?”
Sure, I could get errands done, go to coffee with friends, take some classes, clean the house, talk on the phone, go to the gym, and other miscellaneous errands. I could read and write all I wanted and probably overall get a lot accomplished.
Yet, I don’t know if I want that. You see, right now, my house is quiet–too quiet. It’s abnormally empty. I walk in my girls’ room and no one’s there. I don’t like it. Not one bit.
My youngest is bored too. He misses his sisters to play with him. He asked me this morning if his sister will be home today (she’s only half-day kindergarten) and when I said, “No,” I got an “Awww.” Poor guy.
This got me thinking, “What am I going to do when my kids’ are all 18 and gone?” Which, if I think about it, isn’t really much of a stretch.
God willing, I’ll be around when they leave. But for me, I want to postpone that as long as possible.
I can understand women who want a career just for this very reason–what to do when the kids are gone.
Hey, I’m selfish. I want my babies for as long as I can possibly have them–for as long as they want me. I cherish when my son says, “Mommy, I want you.” I ask back sometimes, “Are you gonna want me when you’re 18?” He laughs and says yes. Mommy laughs but isn’t quite as convinced.
Hence, my decision to homeschool. And homeschool for the next 15 years of my life. I wasn’t ready to decide that one year ago. But one year ago I had my babies with me. And they were really babies. I feel completely different now when I go long stretches with no noise in my house.
Admittedly, I’m a different person than I was a year ago. And not because anything traumatic happened. Just because I grew. Mostly I grew because I wanted to. Because God wanted me to. Because He was leading me to this moment in my life.
Life changes in a blink of an eye. Odds are for us, we are moving in the next 6 months. Where to? Only God knows. And this is hard for a planner such as myself.
I look at my two old dogs who live each moment as it comes. They have no worries. They have no cares. They have no fear of the future. Or even think of one. No complaints. They have no opinion on where we move. But I can tell when I look at them, their only request is to go where I go…where we go…where this family goes.
In the end, that’s all that matters. Our family. Being together. All of us. In our little paradise. Until we reach the true Paradise.
So, here I sit, watching my son now play quietly with his trains at my side, wishing the other two were here to0, playing with him, and praying May will come sooner than I think. Praying God figures out our job situation so my husband can be home more.
Praying for our paradise to continue as long as He wills.
This just made me smile. :}
home schooling is a hard decision to make. i am so different from you. i never wanted children, but at 37yrs old, God had different ideas. i was the mom who couldn’t wait for her kids to go to school. all that said, if i had to do it over, i would have home schooled at least Middle School or Junior High. Elementary was a breeze. i loved the teachers, i volunteered in their classes and was PTA president, but middle school is where it turned to crap.
sweet, sweet thoughts from a Mom whose heart is
definitely God-centered….
Enjoy all the moments you can with your babies….in a breath, they are gone. I have a 24 year old son and triplet 19 year old boys. Don’t waste one enjoyable moment!
you made me cry. You honestly love your kids and want them near you and that is a blessing to me. I hear from moms at times that children are an attachment or a burden. Our Father in heaven knows we are a burden but he gave the best to see we had what we need and a mother in love with her kids will do the same. Selfish you bet! So is the Lord with his children. He says I am your God and before me there is no other!He wants us to love him and wants us to be near him. It is only natural when they are yours. I could just see your son reading and all the love that only a mother would know fill your heart as you watch him. I would want that as long as I could too! My children are grown and married. I have 3 grand kids I would move heaven and earth for, but I remember the games we would make up and play with my kids in the living room. The hours of reading and talking together. They were/are the world that the Lord gave me.My mother passed 3 years ago and I know that I long for the moments that I still remember and cherish. Keep them by your side as long as possible, because they will grow and leave that is life but for now they are home and when they do go, you go with them in all they do. What a gift! Pilar
So sweet, Pilar! I teared up myself writing it but didn’t mean for others to! Thank you for the kind, reassuring words. Much cherished.
Well, I came across your blog when I was googling an anwser for one of my BSF questions and I was so excited to find not just one answer but all the answers to compare mine to!!!! So thank you for your help in answering the ones I had question marks by the night before class : ) Also, I have been reading your blogs on homeschooling, because I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old and have been trying to make a decision on what to do about school. I am a stay at home mom and am so blessed to be able to stay home and am loving every minute of it, but I was a nurse at a public school for a year about 5 years ago and I was shocked and appalled at what I saw and heard and just can’t stand the idea of sending my babies to public school and we aren’t sure we can afford private school. I am going to a homeschool convention this weekend with some girls from my church to see what it’s all about and hopefully feel some guidance from God on what direction we are supposed to go, but I am sooo excited to have found your blog and have someone who is like minded and be able to hear your thoughts, struggles, and success in this area. So thank you for your transparency and for sharing!!!
Delighted to help. Luckily, my kids go to a charter school right now (one of only 2 on my approved list) but once you’ve homeschooled (at least for me) I can’t give it up. The advantages are so immense and as you read in my post, I miss my babies so when they are in school. It’s bad enough they will leave me forever at age 18 or so and have their own lives so while their lives are ‘mine’ (God’s but I say this), I’m taking full advantage. I’ve been engrossed in curriculum lately. Let me know if you have any questions! Good luck!