I just feel sick.
Really and truly.
I couldn’t sleep last night.
I prayed.
Nothing.
Still waiting…
We have an opportunity to move (not back to where we’re from but away from here). We’re going this weekend to check out the place. It seems perfect. But….
I just don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. I guess I won’t know. Husband doesn’t either.
I will probably not have peace either way until time passes.
I’ll be in a nice place but husband will be away again. Or we can stay here where I absolutely hate it. I hate every waking moment really.
Part of me feels like I’m a deserter. The other part of me feels like I’m not.
Either way it won’t be ideal.
Yet who or what is in this world we live in???
I’m trying to follow God but knowing what is Him is the question.
I’ve pissed off several people lately so my new policy is not to say anything.
That’s just me. I rub people the wrong way with my opinions.
And I’m horrible with the spoken word. Just wretched really.
I just feel like I can’t win these days no matter what I do. In anything I do.
But I get up every day and try to follow God.
I guess that’s all I can do.
Even though at some moments I feel it is absolutely pointless and wrong and other moments I feel elated and it’s perfectly right.
If life were simple, it would be boring. But sometimes boring is good.
Lulls in life.
Like the calm before the storm.
I just wish I could see that calm from where I’m standing…
Hey girl, keep praying and seeking God’s will. I in my opinion truly feel that God would not have
opened the door for you and your husband to move, and then shut it . Take this as a great
opportunity to touch more lives in your new place.
Thanks so much for all that you do, and for touching my life… You are a real person of love for
the Lord, and you try so hard to please everyone. Remember in life that there will always be
someone to try to disturb your peace, but at the same time, God is testing you and your walk with
Him….. May God richly bless you and your family…. I am praying…. Jane Pedersen
Look I know there are many people out there like myself that use your resources as a source to check our answers for BSF on the weekend and your comments during the week, but don’t speak out and tell you thank you….
Your answers may have a different twist that a formal BSF answer but I enjoy an unfiltered opinion as we are all human and have human emotions and feelings.
I am sure you would make a wonderful pastor where ever God leads you, but I hope you keep up with the BSF blog as it has make me think about the broader picture with God, many many time.
Good Luck and God Bless You….
PS: Don’t listen to negative people as my God is not negative God!
I empathize with your feelings and trust that in time you will arrive at the right solution for you. The one thing I’ve learned (now approaching the end phase of life due to numerous physical disabilities) is (from a book dealing with suffering and the sovereignty of God) that when sin entered the world, horrible, horrible, things followed…death, diseases, defects, disabilities, catastrophes, human atrocities, etc….these occurrences affected all, from the youngest infant to the oldest; from the vilest scoundrel to the sweetest and most wonderful….in essence…suffering is no respecter of persons. It is for all of us and for a good reason (there are so many reasons for suffering). If you think about it everything Jesus accomplished for us (forgiveness of sins) was all accomplished through suffering. He didn’t like it and neither do we…but here was the best person in the world suffering for an undeserving people.
Also, Corinthians 4:17-18 says “For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” Again, in Romans 8:18 “I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
Many times, I had no clue what to do, no one to validate my feelings and no place to go. Most of everything was a matter of survival….or having to perform a certain way to obtain recognition, I never had parents that provided a picture (let alone knowledge) of what happiness is….thus, I had many distorted thoughts.
Today, it is different…I am to a large degree at peace….and arrived at this level of peace through horrible suffering. I would have never thought things that happened in my life would have happened. I, like you, would feel elated one day only to find myself in the earthly hell-hole (sp?) of depression or despair.
I don’t know what’s necessary for you to do to help yourself, just as you wouldn’t for me….what I do know is that God gives us the strength to find our on way. Our way may or may not be easy….I learned that obviously I took the difficult path…so God wasn’t through with me yet….I had to look beyond what was happening and find the message He was trying to convey to me! There’s always been one whether I liked it or not. So for some of my adversities, its been a matter of searching and being so, so patient (which at the time I wasn’t) and now I can smile and be grateful that he isn’t through with me yet, because through suffering, He’s providing me the opportunity to become more like Him and eventually be with Him. These are things I couldn’t see for so long, and it took severe disease and disability to bring the lesson home.
Perhaps, some of the above, will have some meaning for you. If not, disregard. I will include you daily in my prayers. Try to be kinder to yourself; the answer will come. Give yourself a pat on the back for all you accomplish on this web site….and try to be patient until He decides to provide answers for you. God Bless You. DMR
Oh, I forgot to share with you that I have had chronic pain from a drunk drive since 1993 and it caused me to loose everything 2003 that was important in life because I could not deal with it and got bitter at God and the people around me for what I believed was a lack of compassion. I could sleep for many many years and was dysfunction because of the pain but until 2008 on the edge of loosing everything, I realized that God wanted me to learn that I was nothing without him and that I need to get in a closer walk with him in constant prayer during the day. Now, with Christ as my guide and the Holy Spirit at my side I am back working and dealing with my chronic pain as best I can. It is all I can do to try to get through the day, like Paul! I know that I am at God’s calling no matter what speed bumps are put in my way. I do what I feel God wants me to do and I don’t listen to negative thoughts or negative people as best I can do as I am of course not perfect just as God design me to be. The study of the Acts of the Apostles has reconfirmed that in my mind. So keep on doing what you feel God wants you to say and do and to hill with all the others.
May God Bless you for at least you are trying to make a difference………………….
Remember God will not put more on your plate than you can handle. He has a plan. He will take care of you and your family. Just trust in him and be patient. Not all of life is roses and happiness. Thats why we have him. Satin throws us stones in our road of life to try to lead us away from God. Be strong and never give in to the bumps in that road.
God’s blessings to you and your family. And have a Mery Christmas (never forgeting the reason for our celebration of Christs birth ).
Doug
I don’t know how these blogs work, but i found you in search of assistance with bsf. I get your daily blogs along with bsf and have read you through some tough struggles. I have to say, the one you wrote today made you seem so real, not a holier than thou christian woman, i totally related to you. if people don’t like your opinions, they don’t have to listen. don’t let anything anyone has to say negatively get to you.
always remember, it could be worse and be thankful for what and who you have in your life right now.
hang in there.
I feel the same way you do…
As a matter of fact – my life at the moment is chaotic… lots of uncertainties; lots of doubts… and a lot of current drawing me back.
I cannot continue anymore… I feel like quiting, but is this God’s will. If it is, I will persue it for sure. But what if it isn’t?
Hang in there and just rest in God, the Holy Spirit, the Comforter. I have been where you are this is called the “cross road” in your life. How many times have just asked questions, or just asked a question and made the world mad at me, but you just adjust your tone, slow down your breathing, and continue to gleen information as best you can. You will find your way, as my grandmother used to say, “the darkest hour is just before dawn”.
I just want to say ‘thank you’ to all who replied to this blog. I am not atozmom but I related myself to her situation and a lot of your feedbacks give me tears in my eyes.
Hang in there. We are here for a purpose. We need each other (all who support this blog) for support because we belong to One Body.
Thank you to all who gave Atozmom the support which turns out to be my comfort tonight so far.
Hey you!
In late December, we too are moving across the other side of the planet, away from the place (and country) where my kids were born and have grown up over the last 13 years.
I have prayed that if this is where God wants us to be, then he will open doors and show me the way and indeed those doors have been flung open – message received loud and clear.
But I also know that because this is part of God’s plan for us, the enemy will also try to de-rail us. And boy, have I felt that too. Sometimes I find myself paralysed by fear and crippled with self-doubt and indecision.
This is the scripture I am hanging onto at the moment and I pray it will help you too:
“I will lead you by ways you have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide you,
I will turn darkness into light before you
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake you.
Is 42:16
So trust in God’s plan for yourself and your family and remember that you will come up against opposition as you walk along that path the Lord has shown you.
My prayer for you is that He will make those rough places smooth
xxx
….by the way, my husband will be away a lot too when we’ve made the move – I hear you girlfriend!!
Ohmygoodness. You. Tracy. Geanie Liu. Your words. My feelings, they could have been my words too. Thank you all for such a sense of peace and comfort knowing I’m not alone. Especially AtoZmom. It’s my first year in BSF and I too came here looking for another interpretation of my weekly lessons. Acts seems to be a perfect first book to be studying but there are so very many holes. You really provide a richness and foundation to much of what we’re studying, kind of like seeing a movie first and then reading the book after. You are providing lots of “aha” moments and making the lessons become alive. I’ll keep you in my prayers that you’ll figure out a peaceful direction soon.
I have been where you are when you wake up every day hating where you live, feeling like a complete outsider no matter how sweet you try to be, how nice you try to be, and so on. It doesn’t help that he travels and so you are alone with the children. Top that with being far away from family (which depending on what kind of family you come from can be a blessing or a curse), it all adds up to super stress and lots of unsettled confusion and misery.
I have lived all over and I have HATED this place where we have been for the last fifteen years. God seemingly was giving us the desires of my heart…getting us out of here…a really awesome job offer for my husband in my home state only two hours from my mother…and yet, nothing was working out. The market is terrible here and we would take a HUGE loss on our home to the point we would not have downpayment money for a new home when we moved. The place was a not very desirable place in my home state and the weather was horrible there last summer with three digit temperatures. The company wasn’t willing to buy our home or help us with more than 3 months mortgage should he accept the job and move there. In other words, the house would have to sell in three months or we would end up losing money to the point we could end up bankrupt.
It was such a horrible time. Here, God is giving us a chance to go back “home” even if it was across the state from our real home there. Great job offer except for the lack of mortgage support. A chance to get out of HERE which has been a place of much loss, much depression and misery for my children and myself.
Ah, another roadblock…my now adult children are HERE…two hours in one direction and four in another…dating seriously with intent to marry…kids from this part of the country…NOT across the nation where we’re from. Do I give up my children and future grandchildren (no money for cross country travel and visits) OR do we go “home?”
We just never got PEACE about the situation so my husband TURNED DOWN THE JOB. It was so hard on both of us but we realized that having a future with our adult children and hopefully, grandchildren was very important to us. Suddenly, “home” didn’t seem so appealing. Oh, how I cried. Feeling doomed to never again having decent Mexican food, German food, Gulf shrimp except on the rare every other year trips for a family funeral or hospitalization. I could go on.
I’m not saying YOU and your husband should stay or go. I’m just saying that if you do not have a clear sign of PEACE about it you can look at it two ways. If you stay, you know you’ll be miserable unless something changes…you meet a friend, you find a church, you change your attitude, your neighbors change theirs. Clearly, God is troubling your waters. You have a choice of a new place…not necessarily better but certainly different. Sometimes that’s enough.
Sometimes God makes it clear. Sometimes God gives us a choice and either choice will be okay and sometimes he says, “NO!” Sometimes it’s a clear, “Go!”
I’m going to pray that if you are to move, God will give you a sign of some kind that it’s either GO or NO. You’re in a valley right now. God has given me deliverance of my misery but it’s been 15 long years. Thank you for sharing and baring your heart so we can all send extra love, prayers, and peace from all of us to you in the name of Jesus, our Christ.
Hey all,
I debated long and hard whether I should even post this. I debated about pulling it the moment I hit send. Because usually I get lambasted for feeling so online here. I get labeled as a complainer and need to be grateful for my blessings. (I did get one comment which I deleted saying I needed mental help. It was from the lady whom I posted a huge post on last year to please leave my site because she hates me but she insists on intruding on my life in this forum. I have kindly emailed her to stop once again. Otherwise, I will be posting for her to leave me alone once again.)
But I’m glad I did.
So many of us hide whatever is going on in our lives to the point that we ourselves believe nothing is wrong. Because we go about our day answering “Fine” to “How are you?”.
People don’t want to know you are struggling, your life sucks, and sometimes finding God in your muck is the hardest part of the day.
I’d give you a hug if I could, Geanie Liu. Like I said, get up each day and try, try again.
That’s all you can do, really. And one day, I’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel…
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with “her” again but remember there are way more of us than her who care about you. One of the things I realized was that this time I was CHOOSING to stay here for REASONS that were IMPORTANT to my husband and me. Somehow, this has made a difference. I realized I would have to either drive almost two hours to a BSF class in the new place due to traffic. I realized that I would still be “alone” in the new place…still with friends all over the country but none within easy “visiting” distance. Every military move got easier, not harder, because there would be at least one person there already that I knew. You’re not in that position so it’s really a step of faith if you guys go. He’ll have a job and “work friends/acquaintances.” You’ll still be alone at home with the children.
I went through a period where I stopped going to church. I’m struck by the fact that several recent BSF lessons have talked about that so Christian discouragement must be a real problem. My husband was happy at our church and his place there but I was miserable, no longer had a ministry there, and frankly, the entire pastoral staff was unknown to me having been replaced after I drifted away due to the second child’s constant travel requirements for the “professional amateur sport.” I won’t go into all the reasons for my time in the desert. I think far too many of us are hooked on church on tv because we don’t have to deal with PEOPLE. I think learning to love our neighbor as ourself is the single hardest commandment because we’re all sinners and annoying to someone…at least one someone and who knows who else! I think I’ve said this before but my daughter is so frustrated with her work and dealing with the public most days that she claimed that she wasn’t prejudiced…she was an equal opportunity hater.
How do we get from being an equal opportunity hater to a person who LOVES people and God’s church which is PEOPLE?
Someone who was involved in a Twelve Step program due to a relative said, “Fake it til you make it.” Make yourself do the right thing until it feels RIGHT. It’s like a bad habit. Six weeks to a good habit. This year, I resolved with God’s help to force myself to return to my husband’s church and try to make it work for the rest of this BSF year. Then, I would allow myself to look for a new church home. I joined a ministry that’s run by an outside organization and made myself go two hours a week. That didn’t feel good and still doesn’t but the children are needy and I am committed for this year. It doesn’t use my skills but one of the things BSF leadership has taught and is teaching me is to place myself under authority. I don’t always have to be the boss and I don’t always get to have my way and so on. I don’t even need to understand why we do things the way we do. Every job is necessary so we all can learn together for the benefit of Bible Study Fellowship and God’s kingdom. Unfortunately, when we stay home that just perpetuates this “buffet” idea of Christianity in this country or that we can be part of a “streaming congregation” across the country with some mega church or television church instead of working locally and using that online group as Christian dessert rather than our Christian meat. “Have it your way at Burger King.”
I don’t know your denomination if any or if you like non denomination churches and it’s none of any of our business. But…unless the town you’re in is a one stoplight town, there should be a handful of each major Protestant denomination and a couple of nons. I would really, really like to encourage you to MAKE YOURSELF (and I had a friend in BSF who rode me for two years about this and who loved me enough to not let up…about this issue or going to BSF again after twenty years) get up, get the kids ready, and start visiting churches. If you can’t face it from a spiritual standpoint, view it as an adventure in art, design, history, and so on. Treat it as a learning experience for the children. “Let’s see how different Christians in this town choose to worship on Sunday mornings: Methodists, Lutherans, Baptists, Episcopalians, Presbyterians, Evangelical Free, Christian and Missionary Alliance, and so on.” Who says the Apostles Creed? Who says the Lords Prayer? Who only sings from a hymnal? Who has a rock band? How do they serve Communion? Visit a church that isn’t culturally yours. Why did the Methodists split away from the Anglicans/Episcopalian church? Why did the Disciples of Christ move from the Presbyterians/Baptists (can’t remember now which it was…chemo fog lingers)? It’s really interesting to learn how the different denominations got their starts. Even early primary grade children will get these lessons. This group thought it was really important to have Communion every time they are together. This group believes no one but God should have authority over the local church. This church baptizes with immersion and this church sprinkles. Let’s learn why. Treat it like education if you can’t view it as a community of believers right now in this place.
I’ve been trying really hard, with God’s help, to step out and attend extra services for the season at this church. I can’t see it feels like a “church home” to me yet but I’m not expecting miracles because I no longer expect the church to SERVE ME. (I am not saying that’s what you’re doing, AtoZ…just me). For years, we lived places where if I didn’t serve, it didn’t get done. I was BUSY. Now, I’m trying to view church differently. Between Isaiah and the people of God choosing rebellion over obedience and being exiled (sound familiar…like what I’ve been living the last 15 years???) and the Acts of the Apostles this year…what is GOD trying to teach me that hardheaded me hasn’t learned yet? One thing I’m learning is that by being here…without family or friends…I am FORCED to rely on GOD. I am forced to choose Jesus because many days, He’s the only one who has loved me and shown kindness to me. And God has even given me peace about the pastor of this congregation and has used him recently to teach me some news ways of looking at certain sections of Scripture when previously, he couldn’t open his mouth without me thinking, “Oh, he’s like fingernails on a chalkboard! Why, oh, why did they call him?” That’s GOD’s victory!
I’m so sorry you’re in this place of desolation. I’m sorry that your only friends, Christian or otherwise, right now are online or far away. It stinks.
I would like to encourage you to think of this current situation like a mission field. When you and the children step outside the house or apartment to grocery shop, go to the library, put gas in the car…what do others see and hear? I’d dress them up like little Von Trapp children (minus the pipe whistle to line them up) and be an actress until it’s natural and be JOYFUL…rain, snow, ice, or heat. I keep thinking about that Scripture (you can tell I wasn’t raised Southern Baptist because I don’t have nearly enough memorized…I always envied those kids that!) where Paul (( I think)) is scolding about grumbling in the church. We all need to grumble and vent privately at times which is what this forum is because then, we need to put on our big kid drawers and step back out and up to do what we’re called to do.
You’re not crazy. You’re not in need of a shrink. And whoever this Self Appointed Critic is, she’s probably living in the same town her ancestors have been in for two hundred years and she’s been going to the same church all her life, and has had the same friends since kindergarten and has eaten the same meal on Sunday for her entire life. I’m sure she’d be telling God how to run Heaven if she was there already, and scolding Peter, Moses, and David and telling Paul he needed to shave. Bless her heart, she needs her life to be shaken to its core to wake up and realize that there are good Christian families losing their homes, who have lost their jobs, and who don’t know where their next meal is coming from. I wonder how welcoming HER church is to newcomers!!! To people who don’t look like her or talk like her or dress like her!!! What do you mean we need to feed the poor, help the widows and the fatherless? I’m always struck by those churches that send one mission team after another to this country or that country and yet, ignore the people across the train track in their own town who are suffering from factories closing, no health insurance, and more. They’ll send their middle schoolers to Memphis or New Orleans or Mexico for a week in June but wouldn’t dream of them of allowing them to help at a soup kitchen or health clinic in their own city or suburb.
Whatever you guys prayerfully decide, I do want to push and nudge you to make yourself take the kids to church somewhere this week and enjoy this beautiful season of advent and music. Consider having them (and you) memorize the Luke 2 passage in the King James (for the beautiful language…no matter what version you use daily) to surprise Daddy on Christmas Eve. We did that one year and now it’s tradition for us all to recite it together as someone takes their turn reading it from the Bible.
Nudge, nudge. Push, push. Don’t be hard headed like I was and let yourself sink into doom and despair and let yourself get out of the habit of a real church in real place and fall into the home church/cyber church/television church habit. There may come a day when like more than a few of your dear readers that you’ll be home bound due to your own or a loved ones illness or end of life issues. Right now, you’re healthy and so are your precious children. Go. Step out on faith. Don’t sign the registers so you’re bombarded with deacons. Just visit different churches. Enjoy the differences and the Bible lessons. The kids will let you know where they like best. Don’t let yourself become a Fortress Christian with walls so high that no one can even see over the castle walls. You have so much to give. I know you do. And you may be in a time where you need to be a receiver in real life, too. That’s okay. Let yourself receive the gift of God’s Son this season all over again and experience the beauty of the hymns and the candles and the evergreens. Nudge. <3
If she insists, let her post and watch the Body of Christ come to your defense. Perhaps we can cast those demons out of her via posting! You’ve got to let God develop your sense of humor and give you a thick skin or you won’t survive and He’s got to toughen you up so you can lead the rest of us weak saints! We’ve got to get trained so we can train the kiddos and help them bring Heaven to earth. Christ wants to come back for his Bride — he’s not coming back for a broken and pathetic bunch of sinners. He’s called you to lead — so thanks:)
Hey, be glad you’re human (what ever that entails, complainer, brilliant, well, sick, etc.) Jesus was human too and understands how frail we are. Thats why we have adversity…so we can grow beyond it and be with Him one day….it doesn’t mean we can’t share our pain with one another. I’d give you a hug if I could! Keep up the good work!
Thank you all again for your kind words, great advice, and wonderful stories. I so love hearing them! It’s a breath of spring air amidst the cold temperatures we are having and it keeps me going when despair reigns….
Love, hugs, and prayers to all!!!
a to z Mom,
Get your praise on. When I am low and feeling the pain of life’s burdens
(my husband is active duty Army stationed state side, but hardly home) I turn on some gospel music and just get in a praise zone. It does wonders to get me to feel close to God. God is the only one who can fill the holes in our hearts. I have found too many times that people will let you down over and over, we can only count on God’s perfect love. Remember Matthew 6:34. This scripture has literally saved me from so much stress, because it is true!
I love this ! Makes me want to put my armor on !! Standing in the gap with all of you !!
“The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don’t know what to do.”
So we all have a bunch of opinions, but none of us know what you feel, truly. Ralley you have two choices. Stay where you are (and hate it) your words. Or go to the new place and be scared of the unknown.
Now. I have made lots of trips and moves all over this planet, and I can tell you that EVERY SINGLE place I have been was turned into a “Home”. When you’re surrounded by people you love and who love you, then nothing else really matters, does it?
In the Military I had an “Extended Family” of men and women who shared the same “hellholes”, the same fears, and the same trepidation every day. But even places like Haiti, Iraq, Kuwait, Panama, were all “home”, because we were a family. Isaiah 41:13 “For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”
What are you afraid of Mom?
I love what Sweet Mama had to say…..I am so sorry AtoZmom that you are having such a struggle with the decision to move or not move. I have not been in that place so can’t really imagine the fear, joy, struggle, and just the stress you and your husband must both be feeling. I just pray that God will give you a “go” or “stay” sign soon to easy your decision. Without friends to spend time with or to have adult conversation from time to time is very difficult. I have been down that path and thinking back to that time, I wondered how I kept my sanity. But then I turned into a person who was afraid to go out…drive to town, just thought me and my children would be safer staying home. Thank God and I mean that, I finally realized if I didn’t get out and see people and interact I would go crazy…or get out of the crazy mindset I was in. Getting a job and having to interact with people brought me out of the funk I was in. Terrified-absolutely but something I needed to do. I won’t say this is your situation, but I can so empathize not have positive and supportive friends close by. Prayers my dear for you and your husband…..Vent all you want, there are lots of people who are willing to listen and I think give you some great, God inspired feedback for the most part.
I am so inspired by all of the comments to your dilemma/decisions. They all are just so, so wonderful. I am struggling with some things right now, but I want you to know that you will be in my prayers daily for God to give you a sign of what the right things for you and your famil to do.
You help so much with BSF. I am new to this and I find some of the questions, confusing. I read your comments and many times things will become clear. I do not use your answers, but I cherish the guidance that you give. You are amazing and I feel you just need a little push to get you out into the world so that others – outside of your home will be able to experience your Grace. Please hang in there and know you are not alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel Blessed that God guided me to your side to help me with BSF and to know that during struggle there are wonderful people out there to listen and offer hope through their words.
one of the hardest things to face is when we feel we are going down the rabbit hole and have no idea where we will land nor what it will be like. sometimes God feels so close i think i can touch Him. Sometimes so far away even shouting doesn’t help. i moved from a place i dearly loved 16yrs ago to a small town for the safety of my kids. as much as i can be sensitive to the cruelty of how people react to something i say or do, i don’t guess Jesus always liked how people reacted to what He was preaching. The bottom line for me is ‘who will i be talking to when everything is said and done.’
Oh, I love the “rabbit hole” visual Keg! Aren’t we all Alice, everyday, trying to figure out which bottle to drink? (Just had the “ahHA” moment about Lewis Carroll….never got it before)
Atozmom, I have done BSF off & on for several years, and I must say THANK YOU! I feel like you are a member of my group who is not looking at the clock and is not afraid to say what is truly in her heart<3 My husband was in the Navy for 20 years. We went where "they" sent us..mostly good experiences..some not so much. But, the hardest choice we've made was when he "retired" and we had to choose a new path. The first choice wasn't the right one, but we were lucky that the second one was. I pray for your wisdom in the choices you have make. It's really hard to know what bottle to drink from. Don't let a minority of people bring you down.
What comes to mind is that satan is busy robbing your joy and that is the target he aims for-the mind. I would like to encourage by suggesting seeking his face & not his hands…..He will take care of all the details……waiting is hard ! When we find ourselves in situations out of our control, it is a means of growth & inching closer to Him. Keep in mind to be in alignment with God where pressures you are dealing with press you closer into him…….not getting between ! This too will pass – in His time ! I am eager to hear all He has done, even those nuggets of little things along the way to help transform you into even MORE for His use ! Thanks for all you do…..
I wish we could be neighbors and friends. You sound like my kind of person!