We babysat my niece (8) and nephew (7) for the last few days, which just so happened to coincide with a class my girls have.
Well, the cousins were bored without my kids all day long and their four year old cousin wasn’t entertaining enough. They both wanted to go home. And they said this repeatedly.
My husband and I were talking about it last night. Apparently, they can’t entertain themselves. They depend on my kids to come up with the games and, in essence, lead. They have no imaginations, constantly needing outside stimulation.
Why? I kept wondering.
It hit me this morning: play-dates.
When I first heard the term play-dates when my kids were infants, I thought it absurd. Seriously? I didn’t have play-dates when I was kid. I just played. There was no “dating” involved.
Well, every time I talk to my sister, her kids have friends over. When she doesn’t have friends over, her kids only want to play video games and watch TV. So she constantly has other kids over to “entertain” her kids so her kids won’t watch TV (apparently she doesn’t understand the term “no”).
As you may have guessed, we don’t do play-dates. Partly because we move all the time so my kids have no established friends. But partly because it’s a hassle to me–Miss Non-Social who’d rather write all day than chit-chat. It takes up way too much of my time. I’d like for my kids to have friends and I hope to improve upon this once we establish roots. And, yes, have their friends over–sometimes.
My kids have no problems entertaining themselves and I guess I’m spoiled by this. I really don’t know how to “entertain” my niece and nephew. Due to the heat where we live, we’ve been stuck inside most of the day so parks are out of the question as well as most other outdoor things.
Maybe I’m wrong. I’m sure there are “socialization” benefits (something else I don’t agree with the preponderance of) as well as other things I’m missing.
What do you all think?
Your kids are blessed having a mom like you. They seem comfortable being at home with you and doing things with you. I am sure you taught them how to play productively and entertain themselves when necessary. I had a mom just like you. I did not need any outside influences or stimulation to feel satisfied or contented. I had it all at home with my mom, dad and sister. We made our own fun thanks to the guidance of our mom. All of this technology today robs our kids of the simple pleasures of making their own fun. Yes, we had outside friends who we played with outside and inside our home. We didn’t need play dates. We knew how to play and amuse ourselves thanks to our upbringing. You’re a wonderful mom. God bless.
It could be that your visitors dont feel at home and hesitate to dig through your kids books and toy boxes to entertain themselves. However I agree with your statement about learning to entertain yourself. It drives me nuts when I hear the ‘I am so bored’ refrain. When I was a kid I quickly learned to never say that. If I did, I was given more chores to do!
My mom wasn’t a “play date” mom because she taught 7th graders all week and was NOT in the mood to entertain other children. I was an only child so I was extremely imaginative in my play and if I wanted to play with other children, I asked permission to go outside the front door and there was a neighborhood of boys the same age as me with whom to ride bikes and play kick ball. Thankfully, everyone was some kind of Christian…Southern Baptist, Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Methodist, Catholic. There were only three television stations and parents agreed on proper behavior so I wasn’t exposed to the garbage kids today are if you aren’t careful about their “friends”! We built forts and had bike trails in the woods by our subdivision. Of course, today, children can’t safely play like that anymore. My own are now grown but I didn’t allow mine the freedom I had. I did a mixture of home schooling, private, and public schooling depending on where we lived. My two were six years apart in age and both of them were totally happy playing alone or together. Both were and are super creative and talented. They weren’t allowed any TV but Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street, and Barney. I didn’t even allow Disney movies until they were 11 and 7. I didn’t forbid them from watching Disney stuff at their grandmother’s house so they were TV robots when they visited her twice a year. It didn’t kill them. I was also struck by the differences between homeschooled children, Christian or private school children and public school children when I would babysit for a friend who needed a break or for a doctor’s appointment. The typical homeschooled family children seemed full of imagination and creative play…towels as capes, scarves as pirates, all kinds of fantasy play. The Christian school kids and public school kids seemed to need a bit more supervision and direction and directed play. Perhaps they were waiting for DIRECTION from you. Teacher says do this. Teacher says do that. Teacher says color inside the lines. In cases like that, you get out Monopoly or Settlers of Catan and break down and teach them to play a game together. If they’re younger…Hi Ho Cherry-O, Candyland, and Chutes and Ladders can be played by two kids alone. Aren’t you glad yours don’t need all that supervision and direction? I feel your frustration with other children though. Today, I see so many kids who don’t know how to do anything but play games on their phones, online, and with their game systems. They don’t know how to read for fun, they don’t know how to play board games, they don’t know how to play dress up or watch old black and white movies of Cowboys and Indians or Pirates. They don’t know how to build forts or make mud pies out of gravel and water or clothes pin a towel around their neck or stick a flyswatter down the back of their shirt as a battery pack or back pack to climb an imaginary mountain. They’ve never built an indoor tent out of a card table and quilt. It’s good to know that there are still kids out there who read and who have imaginations. Good for you!!!
Hi there, I was researching for homeschooling which I’ve started this year, and came across your blog. As I’ve been reading through your entries, I’ve realized how similar we are in some ways. I agree that many kids get bored so quickly because they haven’t learnt how to entertain themselves. It is completely unnecessary for mothers to run around entertaining their children all day and to put on a movie or T.V. for a few hours to get a break from this. Needing friends over all the time or play dates to stay entertained is also unnecessary. Having said that, it is important for children to learn to interact with other people than just their immediate family. I could go on explaining the reasons why, but since you seem very intelligent and you believe in a God that speaks, I’ll let you ask him for yourself. And also be careful that you don’t too quickly judge or get annoyed of these beautiful children who have never learnt any different. Having a little love, grace and humour goes a lot farther than an annoyed judgmental spirit. Believe me, I learnt the hard way
. God Bless, and keep following his Spirit!