As I’m doing BSF, this question keeps turning over in my mind over and over again. For instance, the post I just posted on righteousness. My church today never mentions this word and I know I didn’t hear it as a child except in a secular context.
I know: it’s unacceptable and not politically correct to use the word “fail” any more. Teachers can’t fail. Education can’t fail. Parents can’t fail. Churches can’t fail. Everyone gets a trophy, right?
There is so much that I’m learning through BSF that I wish my church had even touched on when I was a kid (and now for that matter). My church likes to keep it positive and rarely mentions the Devil or the word Hell. The scary thing is I never questioned this until this year.
It really came to a head when I had to explain to my children what Hell was. They had never heard it in church and I had assumed they would be taught this. I can’t assume my kids are learning anything anymore.
Church used to be an all-day affair hundreds of years ago with the sermon lasting half or most of the day. I used to think, How would you sit through that with kids? Now, I’m wondering if that wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Someone preaching to you about righteousness, prophecy, Judah, Israel, transfiguration, you name it for hours on end, you’d probably learn it. I’ll admit, the difference between Judah and Israel always stumped me until this year when I started to study it.
I realize there is so much information out there to learn these days that you can never learn it all. But the important stuff–stuff about God, Jesus, history, Bible–should not be neglected.
I do feel my church did let me down in terms of educating me about the Bible and God when I was a kid. I even have feelings today about my church (which I love don’t get me wrong) and what they are focusing on instead of the fundamentals. Which would I rather hear: a lesson on the Transfiguration of Christ and righteousness or how we can become a better, loving community with each other and our city? You know my answer to that one.
Supplement, supplement, supplement is the answer. Never assume your kids know stuff or are being taught it. If you want to know something, you have to take the iniative and learn it.
I can’t tell you the number of hours I have spent on my BSF lessons and most of it is on background material that I feel I should have known. Judah, Israel, Babylon, Assyria, Persia, Edom, Cush, righteousness, praying in Jesus’s name, etc. I’m not complaining about this. Since I didn’t learn it, I took it upon myself to learn it now. I just feel like I could have been a bit better prepared.
Now, I’m thirsting for new knowledge. I keep thinking, What else don’t I know? If I don’t know this much about one book in the Bible, imagine what I don’t know about the rest? I am craving more and more and when I don’t get enough, I find myself unsatisfied.
I’ve struggled going to church lately because it is feel-good stuff. I’m yearning for facts, dates, history, definitions, relationships between characters in the Bible, countries, alliances, and how it all relates. I’m seeking BSF on Sundays and when I don’t get it (which is virtually every week), I become discouraged and disconnected. I’m seeking to know God and who He is and discussing how we are better as a community and helping one another is great and all but how does that help me get to know Him better? How can I be all I can be in the community if I don’t know God to the fullest?
Is this just selfish of me? Wanting to know God better instead of helping the community know Him better? I just feel like such the hypocrite sometimes if I don’t know something in the Bible or about God when I’m speaking to others.
I’m frustrated and on a rant. It’s the knowledge that nothing is free in this world. If you want something you have to earn it. But most importantly, if you want to know something (or someone), you have to find it out and work at it. No one’s going to hand you anything in life and I guess I’ve been disillusioned my whole life, thinking I knew a lot, was an intelligent person who could converse on many levels, and I didn’t throw $55,000 down the toilet on my college education.
But I did.
I feel like my whole life has been a waste and partly a farce. I’m a tad bit angry about it and partly feel cheated. I feel like I was told my whole life what to do and like the good girl, I did it, but where did it bring me to? To this point. Which as a whole is great. But something is missing.
Luckily, that deep desire God has placed inside of me yearns for more and wishes I had discovered all of this 10 years ago. I feel like I’m getting a late start on life. But at least my life isn’t over (and God willing I’ve got a good number of years left to go). The homeschooling conference I went to last weekend called it “redeeming your education.” But I wish I didn’t have to redeem it.
I have determined to teach my kids what I didn’t know and implant in them the desire to find out what they don’t know. I can’t count on anyone else to do it. Not schools. Not churches. Not anyone but me, the parent.
I didn’t know any of this until I put my kids in school and had to take them out. We have been conditioned so much by society that school is the end-all and what a great education your children receive when in reality it’s nothing how we perceive it. And you don’t know this until you’ve experienced it.
I didn’t know I knew so little about the Bible and God until I went to BSF. I didn’t know my school was failing my daughter until I took her out of school and taught her to read. I didn’t know what the school was doing (in this instance, teaching my daughter a method that was not her strength) until I investigated it.
I was under a false sense of security and when I discovered all of this, I felt and still feel robbed of something. I feel my eyes weren’t open until now. I feel hoodwinked. I was blind but now I see. So I’m complaining about it. I probably shouldn’t be, but I am. I’m frustrated by it all. I’m frustrated that others don’t see and I can’t make them because it’s something you have to experience to get.
In the meantime, I’m left to feel weird. Like Neo in the Matrix. Like I’m the only one who sees things a bit differently. I’m the only one to say anything. And I’m the only one to get chastised for trying to make others see what I see.
As Oprah says, “When you know better, you do better.” Which I’m determined to do. But it still doesn’t eliminate the years of frustration I felt that only now I can put words to.
Am I wrong here? Do you get what I’m trying to say?