“But I Don’t FEEL Like it!”

Who HASN’T heard this from their children upon being asked to do something?

What about when God asks us to do something and we say the same thing?

That’s me right now.

I don’t feel like doing anything to be honest.  I don’t feel like doing my bible study.  I don’t feel like reading His word.  I don’t feel like praying.  I don’t feel like pursuing His purpose for my life.  I don’t feel like anything right now but sleeping.

But I do it anyways.

Because it’s not about what I feel like.  It’s about doing it anyways despite how I feel. Because it’s the right thing to do.

Many days I don’t feel like going to work.  I don’t feel like teaching my kids.  I don’t feel like cleaning my house.

But it has to be done.  And we do it anyways.

Because if we waited until we felt like it then nothing would ever get done.

So I do my Bible Study.  And I learn despite my poor attitude.  I pray.  And I am uplifted despite the fact I don’t want to be.  And I read my Bible and I hear Him even though I don’t want to.

God’s Beauty

I clean my house and teach my kids even when I’d rather be doing my thing.  And I am enriched despite myself.

Most of us never feel like doing the right thing. Because the right thing is hard.  But we do it anyways.  Despite how we feel.   Because it is the right thing to do.  And because deep down we know the next rainbow lies just over the horizon.

It is what God wants–not what we want.

And there’s the crux.  It’s about Him.  Not me.

Funny how it ALWAYS come back to that, isn’t it?

I Don’t Understand….

Maybe I’m not supposed to understand.

Yeah, that’s got to be it.

My husband is unemployed.  He thought he’d have a job by now but it’s been a month and both of us are frustrated over the whole deal.

He just wants someplace he can grow.  Where he can make a difference and feel like he’s doing God’s work.

We pray for God to provide that and it is slow in coming.

Fear creeps in.  Of losing all we’ve worked so hard to obtain over the last few years: savings, possessions, etc.

Because when you’ve lost them once like we have that fear is always there.

Sure, we trust.

But fear lingers…

Then there’s me.

I don’t understand what I’m supposed to be doing.

I thought it was writing.  I still believe that.  But I am so frustrated that I don’t do much except what you all see.

It’s that age-old question “What am I supposed to be doing with my life?”

I wonder if the answer will ever be clear.

So, yeah, I don’t understand.

Why we always live in limbo.  Why we never know where we will settle down.  Why the dream of owning a home once again seems further and further away.

Why this thing inside of me never goes away–that thing that tells me “There is more than this.”

So I pray.

Not understanding.

But trusting.

And hoping one day clarity will come.

Sooner rather than later.

For we all know I’m not a very patient person.

At least that’s one thing I DO understand….

What Makes Life Suddenly STOP…

Today I was driving into town on an average day full of errands:  library, bank, and the grocery store.  I was a bit ticked off at the husband who wouldn’t wait on me and left the house about 30 minutes beforehand.  And he forgot to take the rent check.

So I dropped off the rent check and pulled out of the landlord’s driveway.  I quickly sped up to 55 mph and spotted something in the road up ahead.  As I got closer, I noticed it was a bird of prey.  I positioned my vehicle for the bird to pass under my truck and in-between my tires so I wouldn’t hit it.  I thought it was dead.

After I passed, I looked in my rear-view window and I saw the bird flapping its wings wildly.

It was alive!

I did what I hoped most would do:  I stopped, turned around, and went back.

Admittedly, I have done this before; but not with a bird-of-prey.  But a baby bird in the road I wanted to save.

Something deep inside of me has a heart for animals and I can’t stand to see them suffer. I almost became a vet except my heart bleeds when animals die.

I drove back towards her, praying another car would not hit her.  I saw her mate who flew down but didn’t land due to a passing vehicle.

I pulled over across from the bird and got out.

I approached.  It wasn’t moving.

Female or Juvenile Northern Harrier

I gently picked her up (for indeed it was a female or a juvenile as I just discovered on the internet).

I thought she’d claw me or try to fight.

But she didn’t.

She just looked at me.  Immobile in my hands. Completely at my mercy.  Helpless.

It was almost as if she was relieved.

To be off the road.  And in safe hands.

She was soft.

And insanely beautiful.

Now what? I thought.

I had just wanted to move her to the side of the road.

But I couldn’t leave her now that I saw she needed help.

I gently placed her in my back-seat floorboard.

I googled on my phone the local raptor rescue group and called.

They were open and they’d take her.

Phew, I thought.  Now she might make it.

I knew exactly where this rescue place was.  I had been there many times before to show my kids the rescued birds.

I drove the bird there.  I briefly worried she would fly around my car or try to escape while I was driving.  Instead, she merely tucked her head and sat–grateful, it seemed.

“It appears to be a Northern Harrier,” the gentleman who picked her up from my truck told me.

“She didn’t fight me,” I said.

He confirmed my suspicions: that wasn’t a good sign.

He took her immediately to the back to be examined.

I filled out some paperwork and received a case number so I could call in 48 hours to check on her status.

How amazing.

As the lady thanked me, I instead thanked her and slipped her a $20.

For I had almost been in tears when I had picked that bird up.

The rescue lady was doing me a favor as well as the bird.

Granting a second-chance at life that we all so very-much deserve.

Just like Jesus has for all of us.

She is in good hands!
(And I pray God’s as well!)

Northern Harriers are birds that fly low to the ground, hunting their prey in open fields.

Easily able to get hit by a passing motorist.

Unlike most birds-of-prey, the males are distinct from the females.  The males are grey.  The females and the juveniles are brown.

I feel God put me there, at that moment, not long after the bird had been hit, to save it.  If nothing else, to at least not let it lie in the road, in fear and panic, awaiting the next hit that would end its life.

For I knew what to do.  Maybe the one who hit it (and the others who passed by) didn’t.

For in that moment, what I had been thinking about, where I had been going, my anger, my frustrations at life–every minor thing that was passing through my brain–STOPPED.

I became focused on this bird and getting it help.  Everything else could wait.

After I dropped her off, I went about my errands and my day.

But I was different.

Not angry.  Or frustrated.

But privileged it seems.

To help God’s creatures when they cannot help themselves.  Especially when its injuries were caused by man’s inventions.

We are all custodians of life.

Life great and small.

And I shall forever remember my brief encounter with this seemingly insignificant bird.

Who is gorgeous and majestic, strong yet precious.

And who might have been overlooked on any other day as it flew along the winds in amazing grace…

But for some reason our paths crossed.

And I feel connected to that bird in the ten minutes it sat quietly in my truck.  Resting…

And I pray it will return to its mate and fly again.

Right where God put it to begin with.

Right where it belongs…

Please support your local raptor rescue group.  Most are non-profits who do it for the love of the birds.

For you never know when one day you will be called upon to help.  And you will need a place to go.

“God Moved Me”

Answer given by my 4 year old son when asked how he got in my bed last night.

Sweet boy!

Is It a Sin to Marry a Non-Believer?

Our Bible Study Fellowship teaching leader flat out said this week, “It’s a sin to be married to a non-believer.”  I immediately blanched because I’ve never heard this before.

Being that we discussed marriage and the passages that believers use to assert this assumption last year in BSF’s study of Acts, I was indeed curious.  For this was never mentioned AT ALL.

All we talked about were Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 and not once did anyone say it was a sin to marry or be married to a non-believer.  It was all about IF you were married to one, what do you do?

Resolved to find the answer, I researched.

Again, it all comes down to translation of the Hebrew and Greek words that the Bible was originally written in.

The main passage people use to assert this assumption is 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.  For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?”

The key word is yoked.  But this is the NIV translation.  This word is translated differently in other translations.

I’m curious as to what you all think.

Personally, I don’t think it’s a sin.

Remember the definition of sin, which according to Webster’s Dictionary is “a transgression of the law of God”.  Transgression means a violation of a law or command; to go beyond the limits.

According to my bible dictionary (Zondervan Illustrated Bible Dictionary by Douglas and Tenney) sin is “revolt against the holiness and sovereign will of God.  It is a condition of the heart and the outworking of that condition through one’s words and actions.”

I believe nothing in this world happens without God’s plan.  I believe God puts husbands and wives together for a purpose.  And I think one of these purposes is so you can influence your spouse and even save them through living a Christian life and in turn they turn to Jesus.

We are called to “be imitators of God” (Ephesians 5:1) and I believe it is our example that leads others to Christ.

If you love an unbeliever enough to marry him or her, then God loves them enough for you to save them for Him.  It’s the same for family members.  It is our duty to bring them to God.  To show them God’s love that dwells in us–for them.

I believe it is God’s will.

Now should you go seeking a marriage with an unbeliever?  No.  Should you be wary before you say I do?  Yes.  Is it prudent to marry one?  No.

But it’s God’s will.  Not our own.

I find it hard that Paul who spoke so much about marriage wouldn’t come out and clearly say, “It is a sin to marry an unbeliever so don’t.”  Thus, I just don’t see this as a “law” put forth by God similar to the Ten Commandments.

Again, it’s all interpretation and translation.  And since none of us lived in the first century AD or asked Paul himself what he meant here, we can’t say for certain.

And we all know how languages change (see my spiel on the nature of languages HERE.)  Some words just don’t translate perfectly into other languages.  If you’ve ever studied another language or lived in a country with a different native tongue, you know what I mean.

Even within the same language.  England has many phrases that do not translate into American and vice versa.  Same with Spanish.  The Spanish in Spain is totally different from the Spanish of the Americas and even within the countries of the Americas.  Just ask Chileans and their “modismos”.

To me, love is stronger.  Don’t condemn others because they married an unbeliever.  Leave that to God.  But love them instead.

I do find it hard to believe this wasn’t talked about last year.  I looked up my post from last year when we studied 2 Corinthians and I even said in my conclusions I was disappointed BSF DID NOT talk about this.  View the post HERE

We did discuss 1 Corinthians 7 (HERE) and only talked about what to do if you are married to a non-believer.  And no where do I remember the word SIN entering the picture.

Once again, I’m disappointed in BSF.  They probably didn’t want to offend people by bringing up this very important debate (I think) in today’s society.  Because I bet a good majority of people are married to unbelievers.

I want to know.  Is it a sin?  Am I wrong to think it isn’t?  What’s the Scripture that speaks to this besides the ones above?

I attend BSF to get answers to questions I have.  This to me is important.  I need to know this since marriage affects most of the world’s population.  I need to know this for those around me.  For my kids who will one day marry.

Maybe I’m just too much of a “complainer” as some of you think.  Or I expect too much.  Or I question too much.  Or there is obviously something wrong with me….

I just want to be challenged that’s all.  So I can grow and be more like Jesus and change my thinking if needs be.

To me, this is challenging.

END NOTE:  One post I found that proposes it is a sin to marry a non-believer:

http://www.reasonablefaith.org/marrying-a-non-christian

Another article that says we should ask instead “Why would you want to marry a non-believer?” but the author also believes it to be a sin:

http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/bible-answers/marriage/unequallyyoked.html

“If She Lied About the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, Then Who’s To Say She Didn’t Lie about God?”

This is an actual google search that landed on my website about a year and a half ago.

And to tell you the truth, this is scary.  It’s a very good question and one of the reasons my husband and I chose not to do Santa Clause, the Easter bunny, tooth fairy, or anything else that’s make-believe.

Since God cannot physically be seen (like Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy), it requires a certain amount of belief on man’s part that He is out there (this is called faith).  Of course, people do see God or experience His presence or get a word from Him.  But for the most part, these are few and far between and not everyone has these experiences.

I believe when kids discover that Mommy and Daddy are really the tooth fairy or Santa, they are confused, disappointed and feel let down.  People feel this about God as well.  We become angry at God when we don’t understand what He is doing in our life or bad things happen.  Little kids feel the same way.  They don’t understand.  It is our job to give them the tools (the faith) to understand (as much as God allows us to anyway).

You can argue the innocence in believing in Santa Clause all day long with me.  What it boils down to (for me) is this:

In this fleeting world, I want my kids to know they can come to me with anything and they will get the truth.  When TV, the Internet, or their friends tell them one thing and I say another, I don’t want them to ever doubt who’s telling the truth:  me.

Nor do I ever want them to doubt who’s really watching if they are good or not:  God.  I don’t want my kids to behave  or do the right thing because of Santa Clause.  I want them to behave and do what is right because God is watching them.  I don’t want them to think Easter is about some floppy bunny.  Easter is about what Jesus did on the cross for them and everyone else.  Period.  Nothing else.

And the Tooth Fairy.  You have to draw the line somewhere.  And to me this is the most fantastical.  I won’t pretend to say I know how this myth got started but to ask my children to believe some little person with wings flies in and puts money under your pillow all because you lost a tooth is a BIG stretch, don’t you think?

I’m all about imagination.  But I want my kids to know it’s imagination.  And I want my kids to know what’s real.  But most importantly, I want my kids to know WHO gave them the brain to imagine:  God.  And it’s all about Him.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.

End Note:  This is a very old post I decided to resurrect after being accused of ruining a little girl’s belief in the tooth fairy because she googled and found a previous post of mine (read this and the argument I had with her mother HERE).

I want to urge parents to think through these decisions instead of blindly following society’s lead that emphasizes secularism.  I believe faith in God is crucial in this world–not only to get to heaven but to survive in this increasing-chaotic society we live in.  Faith is the crux.  And if children don’t have faith in their parents to tell them the truth in this world how will they have faith in God?

This is my opinion of course and you are given the Free Will by God Almighty to choose what you like.

Anything Else, God?

I probably shouldn’t ask this because I really don’t want to know the answer.

Our life was going well.

Until the oil companies decided to stop drilling for 3 months and see who gets elected.  So my husband is now sitting on his butt, not earning anything compared to normal.  And when no one’s working, the ugly L word (lay off) is always just around the corner.

We thought we had a house.  Until the bank decided they wanted 7% down instead of 3%, which would jeopardize our savings.  Until they wouldn’t count half my husband’s income.  I don’t know why anyone would buy a house these days.  Nothing about the process is fun.  Far from it.  In fact, it brings out the ugly side.  At least in me it does.

Our landlord put the house we’re in on the market.  Just what I need.  People traipsing through my house.  And maybe being forced to move.

My husband got written up at work for something not his fault.

My Mom called and said she wants to come out again.  ”Ok,” I said to her, “But we may be moving and school is starting so I don’t know how much we’ll actually see you.”

AND I need to finish this novel.  I have to.  And the work goes slower than molasses in January.

What’s your plan here God?  Are you gonna move us again?  Is where we’re at NOT where we’re supposed to be?  What’s going on?

Funny how life changes in an instant and nothing is guaranteed in this world.  Including tomorrow.

Except nothing is funny about it.

My husband asked me, “How is anyone supposed to plan?”

I said, “We’re not.  We could die tomorrow.  We’re supposed to live today and do the best we can.  The rest will unfold as it’s meant to unfold.”  I say this but in my heart I’m a planner.  And I hate uncertainty.

Last election, my husband got laid off from the oil field.  We don’t want that again.  We have savings this time (thank the Lord) but it offers no comfort.

I’ve prayed, “God do your will.”

Still, life didn’t get any easier when I woke up the next day.  Nor is it any easier now.

I’m super stressed.  Life sucks right now.  We are thrown in turmoil and I just want to scream, “Why?!!”

I can’t take anymore.  I just can’t.

I don’t want a house anymore.  My husband may lose his job again (just what I need).

I throw myself on God’s mercy and sometimes I just don’t see it.  I don’t.

And I know my problems are not like some others.  It could definitely be worse.  But I’ve been homeless.  I’ve been jobless.  I’ve lived in a camper.  And I don’t want to go back.  Not at all.  Yet these fears creep in when things like this happen…

I am hating life right now.  Much like the character in my book.  At times it seems so meaningless.  Why even bother?

I can see why people give up.  Luckily, I’m not the quitter type.  But I do understand how life can be so unbearable it’s better to not than to do.  ”To be or not to be, that is the question.”

Luckily, I have God.  To cling to when I don’t understand.  Because I know He does.  Not that it’s any easier knowing this.  It’s not.

But it’s something.

And I’ll take something over nothing any day.

I Am Not Attached to Anything…

We looked into buying the rental we are currently living in from the landlords.  We thought we had a price negotiated but then they wanted more right before the contract was inked.

We wouldn’t budge.  Because the house is not exactly what we are looking for.

So we’re looking for a house to buy again.

I have been a transient most of my adult life.  I have lived in 5 countries and visited many, many more.  I have lived in dorms, apartments, campers, and houses.

We did own a house once.  For 7 years we owned that house.  It was okay.  But it wasn’t what we wanted.

Still, when it was taken from us in foreclosure, it was hard to let it go.  But not too hard. And not because it wasn’t what we wanted.

It wasn’t hard because by that point we had lost all of our vehicles (4 or so because it was my husband’s business that caused the bankruptcy) and all of our toys (four-wheelers, motocycles, and snowmobiles).  So, why not the house?  After all, they’ve taken everything else.

When you’ve had everything taken away from you, you tend to not get attached to things.

Realtors count on people “falling in love with a house” and then paying more that they were originally intending to pay for it–merely because there’s emotion involved.  So do car salesmen.  Hence, the test drive.

Not with this mama.  Sorry.

I’m ready to walk anytime.  I can find a new “home” to live in.  Why?  Because it’s not “home”.  Home is heaven.  Earth is merely a transient walk I am taking.

With one caveat:  my family.  I, of course, need my family.  But as long as I have them (and this includes my two mangy old dogs who need their mama), I’m good.

And God of course.

But He goes without saying.  For me anyways.  Because He’s in my heart.  Where I go, He goes.  Always and forever.

There will be sunrises over our new home like this:

And rainbows outside our window like this:

My husband doesn’t want to move again (who does?).  But God wants us to.  Just like He did all those other times.  So here we go again.

I can say this because I’m not attached to any material thing in this world.

My question is:  Are you?

Why Holidays Are a Nuisance…

Unless you are a government or bank employee, holidays are more of a nuisance to us lay people.

1)  You have to wait an extra day to go to the doctor, dentist, or vet (unless you want to pay the exorbitant urgent care fees and after-hour fees).

2)  Because government offices are shut down, private businesses have to wait an extra day to get permits and such, stalling production and having employees have a day with no extra money in their pocket.

3)  The day AFTER the holiday, no one wants to go to a bank or government offices such as the DMV because the lines will be long and cumbersome.  And no one wants to return to work who had the day off because the day after a holiday is non-stop insanity, trying to make up the day.  (I DID have a life BC (before children) where I worked in a bank so I do know!).

4)  The kids are out of school.  This is a huge problem for working parents who are not fortunate enough to have the day off who now have to hire a baby-sitter or pay for a day-long camp.  Plus, like it or not, all these little holidays add up to an extra week of school since most states stipulate number of days kids must be in school.  This prolongs the school year to June in some cases or causes schools to start earlier in August.

5)  The Post Office is closed.  No receiving mail.  No sending mail.

6)  It compartmentalizes causes, in effect diminishing them, by squeezing all activities and commemorations into a 24 hour time-span.  Basically, by declaring “today is the day for…”, it implies every other day is not.

And this is just the US.

It’s similar in other countries.

Take England for example.  They have holidays called “Bank Holidays”. This is now a colloquial term for all public holidays but to foreigners like me I had presumed it was for no other reason than banks wanted a holiday.  Well, don’t we all, I thought at the time.  Still, the misnomer is confusing and seems to just be days off from work.

Then there’s Spain.  The whole month of August is a virtual holiday as most family-owned businesses shut down and go on vacation.  This is bad news for those foreign students moving there in summer for the fall semester.  This means most private businesses are shut down, no one is renting apartments, etc.  Nothing gets done.  If you want food, you usually have one choice:  El Corte Ingles.  And good luck if there’s not one near you.  The city is a virtual ghost town (and small towns are even worse) and the only ones walking around are tourists (who have no where to go!).

[Disclaimer:  this is based off of when I lived in Spain 15 years ago.  I have read that the month has been shortened to 2-3 weeks because of tourists and it may not be as bad as I make it out.  However, it was bad when I arrived!].

I am in NO WAY discounting what these holidays commemorate.  Trust me, I am the first to thank the soldiers who sacrifice their lives for our freedom (both of my grandfathers and several uncles served).  And I love the Fourth of July, which celebrates our country’s independence.

What I am saying is this: despite all the altruistic reasons to celebrate these causes they often cause inconveniences and have unforeseen repercussions.

We should be grateful every day for our independence and for soldiers who fought for it.  We should remember our troops and their families every day of the year.  We should be grateful every day (and not need Thanksgiving as one day to force us to be grateful) for what God provides for us.  We should remember Christ’s birth every day and thank God for sending Jesus.  We should remember our Presidents and Martin Luther King.

Point being:  we shouldn’t need the federal government to step in and pick a random day that says, “This day we will force Americans to celebrate such-and-such”.  And then the private sector gets involved and even the most noble causes become secularized (particularly Christmas and Thanksgiving–both meant to thank God for His provision and His son and are now reasons that are set on the back-burner).

[And I'm not even going to rant about non-official "holidays" such as Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween, etc.  That is for another post.  Suffice it to say the principle remains the same.  I, as a mother, should be appreciated every day of the year and not just one!].

On the flip side, the good thing about holidays is they do force us Americans who are crazy busy to take a break and remember (at least for one day) our blessings, those who served our country and changed it for the better, and be thankful for it.  One day is better than none.  One prayer is better than none.

So, what does this say about our society?  I’ll let you be the judge…

Personally, this Memorial Day, I will be home with the kids and dogs, hopefully playing outside if the weather is nice.  I shall have to wait until Tuesday for my dentist appointment and to call my vet about my dog (who coincidentally is having teeth problems as well).  I will pray for our current troops and take a moment to remember the fallen.

But it will be a day just like any other in my life–one I shall try to live as Jesus would: prayerfully and thankfully, purposefully and for others, shining God’s Holy Spirit to the world.  In accordance with God’s will.  Always and forever.

What Do You Do When You Feel Like the Whole World is Against You?

This morning I fell.

Suffice it to say, my back and my mouth hurts.  My lip is swollen and my teeth hurt.  I’d go to the doc/dentist but it’s all so swollen there’s nothing to be determined.  Plus, I’d like to see if it’s all just my overblown imagination that “something’s wrong” before rushing anywhere.

So, I was angry about that.

Then I was working on my novel and I had to chuck the whole first chapter.  And that always gets me thinking, “Is this really worth it?”

I don’t  know about you, but I always am thinking what else I could be doing with my time.  I’d love to lay in bed all day long, sipping coffee, and reading a book.  Never happens.  One day maybe.

When stupid stuff like falling (my fault by the way) happens to me I always wonder, “What’s the point?”

Of being healthy.  Of striving to do my best.  Of working so hard with never seeing results.  Of striving to do God’s will and always feeling at the end of the day that I’ve failed.

It just all seems pointless, meaningless.

I know exactly how the author of Ecclesiastes feels.  Exactly.

You live a life and in the end what do you have to show for it?  Pain, heartache, trials, difficulties, and some joy and triumphs.

But why is it the trials always seem to trump the triumphs?  Funny how the word trump and triumph are so similar.

I pray to God “Why?” and just once I’d wish He’d speak to me like He did the prophets.  Just once.

Yes, I know.  You have God to show for it.  But in the moment it’s easy to believe He’s far away.

I feel like this world is against me.  So what do I do?

The crazy answer is the same thing I always do:  keep at it.  Never giving up.  Keep moving forward.  Taking the hits as best I can when they come and praying for strength through them.  Then relishing the triumphs that always seem lagging when they do show their face.

So, I lay on my dog and shed a few tears on her fur as she sniffs me, wondering what’s wrong with Mommy today.  I pray I can feel my mouth again soon and pray my back is just bruised.  And pray I’m not so stupid the next time around.

Then I pray for strength, courage, and perseverance for this day.

For if I make it through today, I’ll make it through tomorrow.