This post is more for me than anyone else so feel free to hit the delete button now if you like. I won’t be offended.
As I type this, I am sitting on my couch with my 3 year old son asleep on my lap. It is thundering out so my scared male mastiff is curled up at my feet. A rainbow is in the sky outside as the sun is shining. The wind is howling as it blows across the house. It is raining as well but only occasionally.
So, not being able to move (much to my chagrin since my coffee needs to be heated up) I’m thinking about my life here.
My column is going well. I had several people email me (businessmen from neighboring towns) who liked my last article. It is just like having a blog but it’s in print. I get to write about whatever strikes my fancy with no constraints–just how I like it.
My husband is getting raise after raise. So that’s a positive sign. It gives me hope I’ll be out of here soon.
Yet, I still think of my life back home. Still yearn for it. Just prayed to God to let us move back quickly. Because although I’m happy enough here, I don’t want to be here. I don’t. And I know it’s God’s plan. But I can still pray that He rushes this plan up a bit.
My husband called me at 2 am and left a message. It was all garbled because he’s in the middle of nowhere. But the gist of it was to be careful because there have been reports that guys are following women home from the local grocery stores and raping them.
Wonderful, I thought. And why am I here again?
Then I couldn’t go back to sleep. No matter. My dog would have woken me up anyways when the thunder started.
Homeschool is finally getting settled. The girls had to get used to me again and how I do things and I had to get used to them and how they learn things. Still struggling a bit with my 6 year old who wants to do everything her older sister does even if it’s a bit above her but I try and humor her. It’s better than not wanting to do it, I tell myself.
Yesterday, we went nature journaling. Our focus was on trees so we sketched the trees at the library, a park, and a nearby museum. We went biking. The temperature was nice, a warm 78 degrees.
Then we went to the store and returned home to do an art project, focusing on the Ancient Egyptians who drew murals on the floors and walls of their buildings, depicting their daily lives around the Nile River. So the girls sketched some birds and animals from guide books I picked up at the library and my son…well, scribbled. Cute scribbles though.
The rainbow is still there.
I’m on lesson 3 of BSF (shouldn’t shock anyone that I couldn’t wait) but I do the lessons with a heavy heart, not for sure I’ll be in a class or not. I’m learning but the spark is not there.
Same with exercising. I do it because I know I have to. But I force myself to.
Something is missing and I can’t peg it. I think it is the fact that I don’t want to be here. So why bother getting up? Doing BSF? Doing much of anything?
I wonder if all of this will be worth it next year at this time when we finally get to move and buy a home of our own.
My husband believes so. He tells me the year will fly by quickly. We must have patience and see where this thing takes us.
Yeah, I guess.
Still, life is a drag and dragging for a year is not how I like to live.
But I pray. And who knows? Just God.
I’m hoping whatever He has planned will come to fruition quickly.
So my heart won’t be quite so heavy.