Opportunity to Help a Friend (And Maybe Yourself)…

My best friend approached me with a business opportunity and it’s something I believe in, invested in, and wanted to share with you.

It’s in the personal development field, something I need help with all the time.  After all, I’m supposed to continue to grow to be more like Jesus, right?

So I invested $9.95/month in order to receive a personal development video once a week on my phone.  It’s a short video that I can watch over and over with ideas to grow myself and my faith in what I am doing.

And I may be able to earn a little bit of money from referrals (something I need right now).

So I invite you to view this LINK, review the information, pray about it, and if you want, sign up.  If it’s something you’re interested in, sign up.  If not, don’t worry about it.  It’s new.  It’s an opportunity.  It may or may not be for you.  But it’s something I wanted to share with you.

I spend easily $10/month on just Starbucks so I figured why not?  I’ll give up a coffee so I can improve myself, help others, and maybe even make a bit of money on the side to bless others with.  For me, this seems to be an answer to a prayer at the right time in my life. So maybe it is for some of you as well.

http://www.iLivingApp.com/naz

If you do sign up, it will ask you if you were sponsored by Nazareth Dionne (my friend’s name) and you just click the box next to his name.

Thanks in advance for your time and consideration.  God bless.

I Don’t Understand….

Maybe I’m not supposed to understand.

Yeah, that’s got to be it.

My husband is unemployed.  He thought he’d have a job by now but it’s been a month and both of us are frustrated over the whole deal.

He just wants someplace he can grow.  Where he can make a difference and feel like he’s doing God’s work.

We pray for God to provide that and it is slow in coming.

Fear creeps in.  Of losing all we’ve worked so hard to obtain over the last few years: savings, possessions, etc.

Because when you’ve lost them once like we have that fear is always there.

Sure, we trust.

But fear lingers…

Then there’s me.

I don’t understand what I’m supposed to be doing.

I thought it was writing.  I still believe that.  But I am so frustrated that I don’t do much except what you all see.

It’s that age-old question “What am I supposed to be doing with my life?”

I wonder if the answer will ever be clear.

So, yeah, I don’t understand.

Why we always live in limbo.  Why we never know where we will settle down.  Why the dream of owning a home once again seems further and further away.

Why this thing inside of me never goes away–that thing that tells me “There is more than this.”

So I pray.

Not understanding.

But trusting.

And hoping one day clarity will come.

Sooner rather than later.

For we all know I’m not a very patient person.

At least that’s one thing I DO understand….

I Want to Be a Novelist, Not a Columnist…

Let’s face it: none of us are getting any younger.

I have come to realize lately as my 3 year old is rapidly approaching 4 that I no longer have any “babies” in terms of needing constant care.  Which means I am getting older too.

My dream has been for a while now to be a novelist.  It is what drives me every day to do what I do.

This columnist gig was great but it takes up a lot of my writing time.  Instead of writing on my novel (which gives me an insane amount of joy), I spend time writing my column (which lately has given me little joy).

I put a lot of effort into my columns (like I do here) and the ones I think are good I get no response from the public.  I wrote a really great piece on Thanksgiving basically relating the history of Thanksgiving and how it was originally meant to thank GOD and no one else and how it has all been secularized.

Nothing.  No emails.  No on-line responses.

I write opinion pieces on laws and I get told to go back to where I come from.

I feel I am not impacting anyone.  And I feel God has called me to make an impact.

I have felt this way since the end of September but I pushed forward.  However, I can’t ignore my gut any longer.

With only so much time in the day that is actually mine, I must make cuts.  And this is the first one on the chopping block.

I want to spend as much time with my kids as possible while still pursuing my dreams. Right now, I only have one dream.  And it has nothing to do with a career in newspaper land.

NOTE OF CLARIFICATION:  I am speaking about the column I am writing in my local newspaper, NOT THIS BLOG!  This is a blog, not a column.  Sorry for any confusion!!!

This Time I Mean It…

Ever since we’ve moved, I’ve indulged myself more than I used to.  I buy more coffee treats.  I eat more sweets.  And more processed food.

Well, I feel like it’s caught up with me.  I think I’ve got a bit of a roll going on around my stomach.  The thing is:  I don’t weigh any more than I used to.

It’s not like I’m fat or anything.  I’m 5’7″ and weigh 125 lbs.  I work out 2-4 times a week and am toned.  But I feel jiggly lately.

So, starting today I’m cutting the sugar I can:  no more Coke.  No more convenience foods (Tostinos and Hot Pockets are two of my favorites).  No more coffee drinks from Wal-Mart.  And I’m cutting the occasional beer I indulge in.

So that leaves water and my morning coffee (hey, I have to keep something!).  And coffee is really just flavored water.  I don’t use any sugar.  And I use FF creamer.

I’ve tried this before but never fully committed.  But this time I am.  And I intend to succeed.

I’ve been feeling tired lately and just overall yucky.  And I think it’s due in part to my diet.  So more fruits, vegetables, and proteins.

We’ll see how this goes.  After a month, I’ll re-evaluate.  See if the coffee does need to go.  Or maybe switch to drinking it plain.

But at least I got a plan together.  To feel better overall, better about myself and my aging body, and save some money in the process.  (Have you noticed how much a 24-pack of Coke costs these days?)

My Love Affair with the Guitar…

I’ve been down again lately.  For whatever reason.  Not wanting to be here.  Husband gone again.  Dirty house.  Etc.

So I cleaned the house.  Still didn’t feel better.  Read books with the kids.  Moped basically.

Then the girls and I practiced the guitar.

Now I feel much better.

I have made this one of my goals: to learn to play along with my children.

This is my new passion to be honest.  It’s become an obsession really.  I played the other day until my wrist hurt that’s how bad I want this.  And I’m very pain adverse.  I practice until my fingers hurt (building calluses, ya know).

I didn’t think someone as old as I am could learn (not that I’m old but I’m definitely not 10 anymore).  But it’s slowly taking shape.

I am determined to learn how to play My Savior My God by Aaron Shust, one of my favorite songs.  The first time I heard it I remember thinking, That Intro would be cool to play.

Sometimes I think this new hobby is the only thing that is sustaining me.  When I’m mopey, I get my guitar out and tinker around.  I watch lessons online.  Just to distract myself.

I’ve always wanted to play an instrument but since I grew up with a single mom I never had the opportunity.  Now I do.  And I intend to succeed this time around.

Not that it’ll be easy.  Especially for someone as musically-challenged as I am.  But I will give it my all and see how good I can get.

I have this new dream of being a worship leader or something crazy like that.

One never knows, do they?  Not until you try.

Who Would Want to Live Without God?

This question arose in my mind as I was contemplating how I would not want to live in the 1800′s with no running water, electricity, or modern bathroom.

Luckily for me, God placed me here in this time for a reason–His reason.

So if I wouldn’t want to live without modern conveniences, the same could be said about God as well.  I wouldn’t want to live without Him, either.

Again, luckily for me, I never have.  I was raised a Christian, knowing Him (not  like I do now) but knowing Him.

So what would my life look like without Him?

For starters, I doubt I’d be here.  I probably would have killed myself a long time ago when I went through some serious depression in college.  But I remember praying over and over again to God, usually crying myself to sleep uttering His name as I asked Him, “What was wrong with me?  Why was this happening to me?  Why me?”

Admittedly, I still do this in my lows, just not nearly in such a fragile state of mind.

God gets me through every day.  He gave me a purpose (kids, writing, family) that propels me to do things I normally wouldn’t.  He’s there when I cry out.  He’s there when I’m happy.

I think of all the people who do not know Him.  And it’s overwhelming to think about.

Are their lives empty?  Do they feel a deep satisfaction?  How do they get through the lows in life?  Are they content in life?

Questions I’ll probably never be able to answer but they lead me to one thing: gratefulness for God and who He is and His promises to me.  And the ability to share Him with others (not as many as I’d like) but with those in my path.

That’s all we can do really.  Live our lives according to His word and share Him when called.

I’d call that a life well lived.

Update on My Life…

This post is more for me than anyone else so feel free to hit the delete button now if you like.  I won’t be offended.

As I type this, I am sitting on my couch with my 3 year old son asleep on my lap. It is thundering out so my scared male mastiff is curled up at my feet.  A rainbow is in the sky outside as the sun is shining.  The wind is howling as it blows across the house.  It is raining as well but only occasionally.

So, not being able to move (much to my chagrin since my coffee needs to be heated up) I’m thinking about my life here.

My column is going well.  I had several people email me (businessmen from neighboring towns) who liked my last article.  It is just like having a blog but it’s in print.  I get to write about whatever strikes my fancy with no constraints–just how I like it.

My husband is getting raise after raise.  So that’s a positive sign.  It gives me hope I’ll be out of here soon.

Yet, I still think of my life back home.  Still yearn for it.  Just prayed to God to let us move back quickly.  Because although I’m happy enough here, I don’t want to be here.  I don’t.  And I know it’s God’s plan.  But I can still pray that He rushes this plan up a bit.

My husband called me at 2 am and left a message.  It was all garbled because he’s in the middle of nowhere.  But the gist of it was to be careful because there have been reports that guys are following women home from the local grocery stores and raping them.

Wonderful, I thought.  And why am I here again?

Then I couldn’t go back to sleep.  No matter.  My dog would have woken me up anyways when the thunder started.

Homeschool is finally getting settled.  The girls had to get used to me again and how I do things and I had to get used to them and how they learn things.  Still struggling a bit with my 6 year old who wants to do everything her older sister does even if it’s a bit above her but I try and humor her.  It’s better than not wanting to do it, I tell myself.

Yesterday, we went nature journaling.  Our focus was on trees so we sketched the trees at the library, a park, and a nearby museum.  We went biking.  The temperature was nice, a warm 78 degrees.

Then we went to the store and returned home to do an art project, focusing on the Ancient Egyptians who drew murals on the floors and walls of their buildings, depicting their daily lives around the Nile River.  So the girls sketched some birds and animals from guide books I picked up at the library and my son…well, scribbled.  Cute scribbles though.

The rainbow is still there.

I’m on lesson 3 of BSF (shouldn’t shock anyone that I couldn’t wait) but I do the lessons with a heavy heart, not for sure I’ll be in a class or not.  I’m learning but the spark is not there.

Same with exercising.  I do it because I know I have to.  But I force myself to.

Something is missing and I can’t peg it.  I think it is the fact that I don’t want to be here.  So why bother getting up? Doing BSF?  Doing much of anything?

I wonder if all of this will be worth it next year at this time when we finally get to move and buy a home of our own.

My husband believes so.  He tells me the year will fly by quickly.  We must have patience and see where this thing takes us.

Yeah, I guess.

Still, life is a drag and dragging for a year is not how I like to live.

But I pray.  And who knows?  Just God.

I’m hoping whatever He has planned will come to fruition quickly.

So my heart won’t be quite so heavy.

The Animal Hedge

“Slowly they (the sons) realized that they’d seen in the hedge what lay deep in their hearts and heavy on their minds.”

The Animal Hedge by Paul Fleischman tells the story of a farmer who loses his farm and begins to carve his passions (farm animals) into his hedges.  One day, he tells his sons they must look in the hedges to find the answer to what their calling was.

In the end, the sons realize they saw in the hedges what was in their minds and hearts:  what their calling was in life, their passion, what was most on their minds.

Great story of finding your passion.  It seems to say we all know what our passion is; it’s just a matter of stepping back and letting the shape form in our minds until we recognize and acknowledge it.

This Happens Every May…

God takes me down to remind me my place in this world.

I’m sick.  My throat hurts.  My voice is almost gone.  I have a runny nose and feel all around absolutely miserable.  I can’t sleep. I’m cold.

On Wednesday, our music teacher told me I looked really tired. I’ve been thinking for a couple of weeks now I need to take a break, not work out for a week, not set my alarm for a week but I haven’t.

So God does what I won’t do.

Since August, I’ve been faithfully working out 2-3 times a week, doing BSF every day, working on my novel, and doing all the kids stuff (school, activities, etc).  And getting up early every day in order to accomplish such personal goals.  Not to mention running a household and keeping the dogs alive and my husband happy.

BSF is finally over.  My final edit which took two months instead of two weeks is finally done.  I’m on the verge of being done researching homeschool curriculum.  School is almost over.

Obviously, I need a break.  NOW.

As usual, God has to hit me over the head in order to do it.

He got my attention.  I’m listening…

Tangled

My daughter picked up the book Tangled adapted by Christine Peymani based on the movie from the library.

“I’ve been dreaming about  them (magic lanterns) my entire life!  Haven’t you ever had a dream?” Rapunzel asks.

“I had a dream once,” a thug said.

Dreams is what motivates most of us I think.  For little kids, these are extremely important.  They live in their own little worlds and it’s important they believe anything is possible.

Later on:

“What if everything is as I have dreamed it to be?  What do I do then?” asks Rapunzel.

“You get to go find a new dream,” Flynn told her.

I LOVED this.  Even when our dreams are fulfilled, there are other ones out there to pursue.

Finally:  ”Don’t leave me,” Rapunzel says to Flynn who’s dying “I can’t do this without you.”

“You were my new dream,” Flynn replies.

“And you were mine,” Rapunzel says.

Great stuff.  Stuff of fairy tales and movies.  I don’t think I need to expound on this.

I couldn’t put the book down.  I’m assuming the movie is just as good.