All summer I have had the policy of NOT commenting too much to others’ comments. Not that I don’t read them (I read all of them) or that I didn’t care (I care what everyone writes). But that I didn’t need to defend myself to others.
I have received some comments and emails lately (as I do every year BSF begins) from those wondering why I’m posting my answers, why I’m ruining BSF, and how I’m a horrible person.
I delete these and don’t respond.
Well, then I had the “audacity” (as one woman put it) to air a grievance against BSF for their desire to video-tape my children. I was told I should have handled this privately and I shouldn’t be complaining about BSF for it might turn potential future BSF’ers off to BSF.
I was even told my posts are number one in Google (yes, I know this. I have known this for quite some time. But it’s not something I flaunt and I even try NOT to acknowledge how successful this blog is so I never talk about it for this blog is NOT about that).
Hence, because of this, I should have some “responsibility” in what I say.
Yes, and don’t we all?
But last time I checked I lived in the United States of America with a Constitution that grants me the right to free speech. And bursting someone’s bubble when I discuss an imperfection of BSF is something I should not do.
It’s like telling me I sin every day. Yep. Guilty.
Most of these emails/comments are from those new around here. They missed the whole debate about how horrible a person I was about posting my answers, how I have debated long and hard about even doing this because so many of you didn’t like your paradigm changed of what BSF is, was, and will always be. (And, yes, if you google this you will find these posts still on my blog).
They also missed my many blog posts of suggestions to BSF for improvements such as an online forum, an online class, notes online for members’ only, etc. Not all of my BSF postings are “negative.”
Here’s a bulletin: BSF is not perfect. As am I. I am a human being, fallen since Adam, and I sin.
BSF is made up of human beings who sin as well.
I have a legitimate concern regarding signing away my right to have my kids videotaped and I discussed it here, on this forum, with you all.
You can read it. You can not. That’s your choice/God-granted Free Will.
This blog remains a place for me to be me without condemnation or judgment if I discussed this matter “privately”. For then all would know who I am. Something I guard fiercely in terms of where I live and who I am.
I want to be me without feeling judged because I dared to not sign a form. Is that so wrong in this world?
And, yes, Christians judge. Sometimes more than others. It has to do with the higher standard God holds us to…but I won’t go into that.
Suffice it to say I’ve taken my fair share of knocks for what I do around here. I am not perfect. And just because I blog my answers and am a Christian doesn’t mean I should be held to a higher standard than you all. We are all equal in God’s eyes.
Sometimes I feel you all are “shocked” by what I say around here because you have an image of me being a perfect Christian lady.
And that is something I am far from.
But you have a choice: to be here or not to be here.
I don’t force you to sign up to my blog. I don’t force you to google and find my answers. I don’t force you to read. (And please don’t tell me you aren’t ever coming back again. As if that affects me….how?).
I merely exist here and if I am the only one here I will still be happy.
Granted, I’d like to help others (otherwise, I wouldn’t be serving God). But I don’t need anyone’s approval for what I say or do but God’s.
And that includes you all.
I would like this to be a place of learning, of community, of sharing, of being. A place God brings us. For whatever reason. I would like it to be positive (but it’s not always going to be). I would like it to be a meeting of friends. To talk and discuss Him who most matters in our lives.
And occasionally for me this is a place I air my frustrations with this Fallen life. A place I bear my soul, my heartache, and my pain when my dog dies (I miss her presence every day); how grieved I am when God moves me across the country; or how I don’t understand this world I live in.
And since BSF is a big part of my life and this blog, I air my qualms about the organization as well as my praises.
But I am in no way responsible for how you respond to it or who chooses to read this or who gets turned on or off to BSF. For that is God’s realm.
You will hear me say many times on this blog that I am selfish. I am. Something I strive every day to overcome.
When it comes to this blog, I am selfish. It’s mine. A place for me. Even my family doesn’t know the url like some of you do
And if I say something you don’t like or agree with feel free to correct or comment on it. But know also I’m not going to change what I do around here. And yes your comments may be edited or deleted if it is offensive. To me. (Selfishly).
Like I was selfish in wanting my dog to live. For me.
Finally, I want so say thank you. For all of your encouraging words during my trials, my heartaches, my “complaints” and “grievances” and for your support. If it wasn’t for you, I’d probably quit this blog (something I debate virtually every week). Because some days it’s just not worth it.
But then one of you says how grateful you are I am here (and yes I read these even if I don’t respond back) and I smile.
So I trudge along. Putting in the extra time. For you.
And occasionally for me when it pertains to my little life on this side of heaven.
So thank you all. I pray you find a little bit of what you are seeking here. Even if it’s only an answer that may or may not be right or wrong. But it’s a thought.
And sometimes all you need is a thought…