We’ve been studying Isaiah in BSF who was called by God to tell the people of Jerusalem to repent or face the consequences.
So for the past few days, I’ve been struggling with this as well.
My husband wants us to move next summer if he gets the promotions he believes he will receive. Once again, this has shook up my thinking and shoved me into the realm of uncertainty again.
If we moved, I would definitely return to homeschooling–no doubts about it. A few months ago, I was strongly against this. Now, I realize how much homeschooling was a part of my life and I miss it. Plus, after a few months at this charter school (which is doing a great job by the way), I still know I can do better. This may be the crux of my turmoil.
Right before school started, I was sitting in church and had an overwhelming feeling I needed to homeschool. This came out of the blue. It upset me but I knew I had to try this school.
We are living in a house, not a home, which there is a difference. We have to move at the end of the summer because the owners want to put it back on the market so I can’t even pretend it’s a home. This doesn’t help with my unsettled feeling.
As I think about moving, my peace is gone. Part of me wants to, the other does not. I’m always ambivalent about a move to a location I know nothing about (mainly because I’m horrible with directions and spend the first few months getting lost!).
My kids’ lives are full yet I feel empty. Maybe these unsettled feelings is about me and my purpose in life (writing) and about fulfilling that purpose. Maybe these feelings are from the Devil who is coming against me as I do draw closer to God, His word, and His purpose for my life and get clarity on issues. Maybe the Devil doesn’t want me to move. Who knows?
I’m awed by all the BSF women who want to know God better, who are studying His word on a daily basis, and who are implementing His teachings. I want to be like that. I want to be a better parent. I want to fulfill my purpose in life. I want to know where God is leading me.
I love where I live but that doesn’t mean there isn’t something better out there for me and my family. You have to go where the money is. You have to go where God is prompting you to go.
Nothing is guaranteed in life. You do what you have to do–what God leads you to do.
The question remains: where is that?