Admittedly, I’m bored.
And I don’t get this way often.
Usually, there’s babies running all around and I’m busy running a household or reading or writing, exercising or sleeping.
Today, however, it’s just me and my son (the other two are at school). The house is clean. I really don’t want to work on my novel since I like it absolutely quiet. Same with reading. My son is sitting next to me, reading a dinosaur book, asking me with every page turn, “Mommy. What him name?” So I read the name and then keep typing.
This got me to thinking, “What would I do when all my kids are off at school?”
Sure, I could get errands done, go to coffee with friends, take some classes, clean the house, talk on the phone, go to the gym, and other miscellaneous errands. I could read and write all I wanted and probably overall get a lot accomplished.
Yet, I don’t know if I want that. You see, right now, my house is quiet–too quiet. It’s abnormally empty. I walk in my girls’ room and no one’s there. I don’t like it. Not one bit.
My youngest is bored too. He misses his sisters to play with him. He asked me this morning if his sister will be home today (she’s only half-day kindergarten) and when I said, “No,” I got an “Awww.” Poor guy.
This got me thinking, “What am I going to do when my kids’ are all 18 and gone?” Which, if I think about it, isn’t really much of a stretch.
God willing, I’ll be around when they leave. But for me, I want to postpone that as long as possible.
I can understand women who want a career just for this very reason–what to do when the kids are gone.
Hey, I’m selfish. I want my babies for as long as I can possibly have them–for as long as they want me. I cherish when my son says, “Mommy, I want you.” I ask back sometimes, “Are you gonna want me when you’re 18?” He laughs and says yes. Mommy laughs but isn’t quite as convinced.
Hence, my decision to homeschool. And homeschool for the next 15 years of my life. I wasn’t ready to decide that one year ago. But one year ago I had my babies with me. And they were really babies. I feel completely different now when I go long stretches with no noise in my house.
Admittedly, I’m a different person than I was a year ago. And not because anything traumatic happened. Just because I grew. Mostly I grew because I wanted to. Because God wanted me to. Because He was leading me to this moment in my life.
Life changes in a blink of an eye. Odds are for us, we are moving in the next 6 months. Where to? Only God knows. And this is hard for a planner such as myself.
I look at my two old dogs who live each moment as it comes. They have no worries. They have no cares. They have no fear of the future. Or even think of one. No complaints. They have no opinion on where we move. But I can tell when I look at them, their only request is to go where I go…where we go…where this family goes.
In the end, that’s all that matters. Our family. Being together. All of us. In our little paradise. Until we reach the true Paradise.
So, here I sit, watching my son now play quietly with his trains at my side, wishing the other two were here to0, playing with him, and praying May will come sooner than I think. Praying God figures out our job situation so my husband can be home more.
Praying for our paradise to continue as long as He wills.