My First “Teachable Moment”

All my parenting life, I’ve been hearing about savoring “teachable moments.”  Things like, “Look for teachable moments and make the best of them.”  I had always wondered if I had just missed these before or I’m just haven’t labeled these as such.

Until Friday when I had my first recognizable one with my 7 year old.

Her friends were talking about a birthday party on Friday night and wanted to know if she was going.  She had been invited but I had decided she wasn’t going for a myriad of reasons.  When I told her so, she broke down into tears and wouldn’t talk.  So since we were all in the car, I talked.

I explained to her my reasoning:  the friend wasn’t one of her good friends–just a girl in class.  She gets to do so much else.  We can’t do it all; we have to pick and choose.  Mommy, sister, and brother spend a good amount of time sitting while she gets to do things and this was not one of those times I wanted to sit. Further, we don’t have a lot of money right now to buy a present and to drive to this event (it was a considerable drive from our house).

Essentially, we can’t do everything.  Time is limited.  We have to pick and choose and since she can’t right now, I do.

I asked if she understood and she said yes.  The rest of the ride home was quiet but when we arrived, she went off playing with her brother and sister and I didn’t hear another word about this party all weekend.

I was quite proud of myself actually.  One, for recognizing it as such in the moment.  Two, for explaining my exact thought process.  Three, for her understanding.

I was hoping she’d forget about the party but I think this turned out to be much more valuable in the end.  I think we all learned something about life, priorities, and resources; about not following a crowd and about spending the limited time here on Earth doing what you want to do (which isn’t everything).

Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy–Is It Worth It?

At my Bunko group last night, one mom described how she was struggling with her daughter (8 years old) who had recently point-blanked asked her if she was the tooth-fairy and how one of her friends at school keeps telling her daughter that she is Santa Clause.  Yet, she wants to keep up the farce for the sake of her 6 year old who still believes so she continues to deny the truth and enable the farce.  She went on to describe how once they forgot to give the money for the tooth fairy and her daughter was in tears over it.

She asked me my opinion on the matter and I said, “We don’t do Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy.”

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because I don’t lie to my kids,” I answered.

It’s true.  My husband and I decided before my first child was born we weren’t going to do Halloween, Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, or whatever else was made up in this society because it is lying to our children and I think ultimately leads to disappointment and disillusionment once they find out the truth.  Parents think it’s all innocent fun until their kids do get older and they find out the truth–that you did lie to them and sometimes resulted in them looking like fools in front of their friends–something usually unwanted in delicate, developing, impressionable souls.

I tried to keep my mouth shut (believe it or not) because I am so strongly opinionated on most matters that I end up offending people.

It’s more important for me to teach my children they can believe every word that comes out of my mouth than to have pictures of my 4 and 5 year old with Santa Clause at the mall in my scrap book.  These days kids don’t know what to believe any more and their one sanctity should be their parents–not society or the Santa on the street corner holding up a “Buy one pizza Get one free” sign.

I’m curious as to your thoughts and experiences in this matter. Did you do Santa Clause and/or the Tooth Fairy?  If so, how did your kids find out and what were their reactions?  Or did you not do these and why not?

What’s Wrong with Being Selfish?

I think I’ve asked this before on my blog.

This is one of my husband’s biggest beefs with me.  I’m trying, really I am–trying to overcome how God made me but it’s difficult.

I did finally figure out why I have such a problem when people are around my kids:  it’s because I am selfish and I don’t like sharing them.

They are mine, a gift from God.  They are special and along with God, my creation.  If I never get a book published, then my only lasting creation.

And I don’t want others around them.  I want to spend all day every day with them.  I don’t like them at school (the teachers get them, not me).  I don’t like them baby sat by Grandma (they are mine I tell you).  I don’t like them around other kids whom I deem negative influences on them (sorry cousins).

I’m trying to overcome this.  But something inside of me wants to desperately hold on no matter what the cost.

I guess it’s good they are young.  I can still do that you know.  I do see problems in the future with this but luckily I got time to work on this.  God has time to move my heart.  I have time too.

Re-Discovering the Library

I hadn’t stepped foot inside of a library for years until I was unexpectedly thrust into homeschooling and the library became an intrinsic part of our lives.

When I was a kid, my mom used to take us to our small town library and I always remembered it smelled funny–but in a good way.  I liked going but eventually she stopped taking us so I kind of forgot about them in terms of reading books.  I once again inhabited libraries in college but only when necessary.  I’d pick up a book for classes or go there to print off reports.

When I had kids, I hadn’t taken them to a library.  I usually preferred to buy a book at Barnes and Noble here and there for them and just read the same books over and over again.  But when homeschooling began, I needed books to teach from so it became a weekly occurrence.

After months of homeschooling, I really can’t imagine our lives without a library.  We go once or twice a week for reading books or books on certain topics and I’ve even begun to get books for myself and not just for the kids.  I checked out some parenting books and some writing books.  Just recently, I grabbed a copy of Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue.

Going Rogue is not out in paperback yet so this is a book I never would have paid money for otherwise.  I am thoroughly enjoying it and am grateful I picked it up.

I am now of the mindset that I’d rather get books from the library instead of purchase them, especially if they are something I don’t know I would like or what to have around.  A library allows you to read books you otherwise never would have.  You can find precious gems at your fingertips with no obligation.

I feel I missed out on a resource for years but am so glad I didn’t miss the boat for my kids’ sake.  My 2-year old loves the place just as much as my 6-year old.  Picking out books is exciting and fun and they can’t wait to get the books home and read them or have me read them.  My son will sit for hours and flip through books, looking at the pictures.  He will bring them to me and utter simply, “Read.”  He doesn’t speak many words but he knows ‘read’ and ‘book’.

Books open up so many worlds to kids and a library has every one imaginable.  You can pick up a book and put it down if you don’t like it and move on to the next one.  No guilt to finish it because you paid for it.

I love finding books to read to the kids almost as much as they do.  Reading time in our house is a time when the kids will put whatever game down they are playing and run to my bed and sit patiently and listen.  Parents today use TV as a calmer, who put it on when they want their kids to settle down or go brain dead.  Instead, I read books and my kids are forced to sit quietly and listen to a tale unfold.  Their imaginations soar and it’s the only way I can get my 2 year old to sleep these days as he dreams of worlds and times far away and long ago.

The library has expanded my whole family’s knowledge and horizons more than any other thing or resource.  We can’t live without one as far as I can tell and I would encourage other parents to re-discover their local library as well.  Just last night I encouraged my mother-in-law (who is a voracious reader herself) to give the library a try.  They are struggling financially and this is the best way to get books.  Sure, we all pay for it so why not use it?  This was my motto with my college gym and how I truly began exercising.  I had seen on my bill a ‘recreation fee’, being that I was forced to pay for our recreation center; so I thought I’d visit.  Well, I continued to visit, which lead to a life-long love of exercise and keeping in shape.

The same has happened with the library.  Use it.  It’s there for you.  It will change your life.  It will change your kids’ lives.  You won’t regret it.

At times I have wondered why God set me on the path to homeschooling because there were times I wanted to rip every last hair out of my head!  But, in hindsight, I can see why.  This is one of those whys.  Without having been forced to use a library, I never would have.  It has changed my kids’ lives.  God does know what He’s doing after all.

The library has improved my writing.  Through reading so many books to my kids, I’ve gotten more ideas and more vocabulary.  I’ve learned right alongside them.  Does it get any better than that?

Why Do People Take Offense if Religion is Mentioned?

I buy most of my books through Amazon just because you can’t beat the prices and the free shipping.  So, I’m looking at buying some parenting books and started reading the reviews on two best sellers.  Most were 5 stars with a few in the 2-3 star range.  Yet, when you read these reviews, their only complaint was how the author was too “preachy” about God.

The books are “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters” and “Boys Should Be Boys” both by Meg Meeker.  She recommends taking your kids to church to help instill moral values in your daughters and your boys.  This is what the reviewers took offense to, saying they don’t need church to instill morals in their kids.  This may be true, but if you believe in any form of deity, worshiping him will help your kids.

Most religions, including Christianity, teach be good to your neighbors, treat others kindly, do the right thing, peace, love, etc.  This is the whole point of religion.  I don’t see how that could hurt a child in their formative lives.

I’m assuming these people have some aversion to religion or are atheists.  What is undeniable is how believing in a higher power that only wants good for your life and others is good for kids.  Having someone else care about their lives (like a grandmother or grandfather) is good to believe in.  Having someone who doesn’t judge your actions, who will forgive your sins, and loves you unconditionally (besides the parents) is healthy.

Don’t knock a book because it tells you to instill morals in your children through church.  It doesn’t say you can’t instill your values.  It says this will help you along the road to what will be a most likely difficult path of parenthood in these modern times.